She’s Backkkkk…..
Happy New Year?
It’s been a second because in all honesty I haven’t been up to too much. I worked a job in the Hamptons in the beginning of December and have since been on a mini hiatus. I went back to Rhode Island for a month or so, worked my silly waitress job, renovated my grandmother’s house, and just vegged out. It was a really nice experience that I am incredibly grateful to be able to have.
It has in fact left me with a lot of time for thinking and reflecting. Thoughts are including, but not limited to, what happens when you put something in the microwave for 90 seconds (opposed to 1:30), should I go back to school, has my father sold my car again, what is Jake doing, why is do people not tip me even though they loved me and I did such a good job, is my theatre career over after 6 months, and of course will there be another season of the Paramount original Landman? Now of course some of these are just silly. A quick google search told me that there will be another season of Landman, and I am too afraid of breaking my mother’s microwave so I will never find out what will happen if I need something heated for 90 seconds. However, after about a month of not hearing anything back from job after job I started to get discouraged and it became harder to push away the thought of my theatre career ending before it really began. Something that helped to the max were the people around me who are also in the industry. When you overthink like everyone else in today’s world, it takes a lot of work to take someone’s word at face value. I had to train myself to start to view myself as I appear on paper. I know that I’m a great stage manager and a hard worker, but what I think of myself doesn’t always matter when it comes to someone hiring me. I had to remember that I am the girl who worked three off broadway shows within 4 months of moving to New York, I am great on paper too. I prove myself to people in each project I work on and let that help me to fuel my next projects. All in all, that tends to pay off, but the waiting period before it does is terrifying. It becomes extra hard when you’re surrounded by your family. They only want what’s best for me, but this is a hard career and all the uncertainty is pretty much all they see. It takes the extra effort to remind myself that I am still a hardworking stage manager even when I’m not working in field.
I had honestly made peace with not working. I was waitressing which gave me some income, but for me that is a mindless game, similar to any of my puzzles on my iPad. I reminded myself of conversations I had with other professionals where they were shocked that I had worked for 5 months straight with only a week off in the whole period. The periods of ups and downs that came with the field started to feel like a myth, and my first experience with the roller coaster was actually calming and I was happy to have my simulation job to relax with for the months in between. And then started to come back up. I got booked out for the next 6 months all in one 5 hour shift. I got offered a position to be an assistant production manager for the Actor Studio Drama School at Pace’s MFA program from March until May at the beginning of my shift. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. As much as it’s a cliche, I released a breath I didn’t realize I was holding on to. This allows me to come back to the city, live on my own again, be with Jake, and keep making connections. Before I left at the end of the night, I got another email from a job I thought had forgot about me or changed their mind without telling me, and now I leave for a tour in 2 weeks. That takes me out for February and the part of March not taken by ASDS, and then again once ASDS ends until June. Catch me out with Menopause the Musical 2 at a theatre near you!
I am honestly really nervous to tour. The thoughts of spending a month away from a home base, not having my own bed or full mirror set up, or forgetting something when I leave a hotel keep me up at night. What if I leave my good comb at the Hilton? How will I survive without it? However, I’m not scared of my actual job. I get to learn the entire show from every technical standpoint in a month, to see the rest of the country, and meet so many new people. I love what I do and somehow always forget that out of fear whenever I’m not booked. My heart and soul is in the theatre and all of the little details. Now that my hiatus is over I hope to be back on a regular schedule of posting, even just to process the tour for myself.
Xoxo,
Randa
